STRUGGLES WITH BODY-LOVE

Many of us have looked into the mirror and wished we looked different, maybe more accentuated cheekbones, lesser breasts, lesser flesh on the whole body, a more pointed nose, no marks on the face, like a couple kg fatter or slimmer, straighter legs, bigger butt or just general better features. In one way or the other, some people have wished they look better that they do; probably a little more like their beautiful friend or cousin.

Recently, I was checking my old pictures and realized that I would love to look like I did back then again; slight curves and a tiny body. Then I went back to how I felt about how tiny I was back then and I remember vividly how much I hated that too. I wished I was fatter as I believed more flesh would accentuate my facial bones and make me look prettier. Now I’m fatter and I absolutely think it’s too much. Being slim didn’t make me love my body, being fat doesn’t either, just not as much as the dislike I felt for it when I was slim.

‘Chronic body dissatisfaction is a disorder.’ I stumbled across this on the internet some days ago and it got me thinking about how unappreciative self-body haters are. ‘Imagine a scenario where you have a friend who 24 hours a day works for you, holds you up, helps you walk, breathe, laugh, sleep, read, see, dream, hear, touch, feel, digest food and keeps you alive among other things. Your friend does this non-stop work for you and the only response you ever give to this friend is to tell her you hate her and you’re ashamed of her. Can you imagine that? Now, that friend is your body.

People try all the time to overcome this displeasure; I mean, who doesn’t hate that they hate their own bodies and aren’t comfortable in their own skin? The only issue is that every day when we wake up and decide to love ourselves, we get on social media and see a girl who looks almost exactly like us being fat-shamed, you see people complaining about people you think aren’t even as bad as you believe you are, every day you see on the media how they praise unrealistic beauty ideals, every moment, the media heavily influences our internal beauty standards and the bar for physical beauty is forever rising.

But first you need to ask yourself about why you hate your body or appearance. Your friends think you’re ugly? Your boyfriend thinks you should look more like the girl next door? Your siblings are prettier? When the way you feel about yourself comes from someone else, it is invalid and you shouldn’t inherit those feelings. Beauty, appearance, opinions are all subjective. You can’t always let people control the way you feel about yourself. Who are they to have an opinion?

You might not have gotten to that stage yet but one day, you’re going to let the fantasies go; fantasies about how better or comfortable you would be if you looked different. I know a lady in my secondary school. She wasn’t the fattest but she wasn’t as tiny or slim as the rest of us and she was one of the most beautiful girls I knew back then. We left school and I never heard anything  from her until recently when I saw her in out town’s market; looking not quarter as fine and chubby as she was back then. Long story short, she slimmed down because people said she looked older than her age but now she hates how she looks and wishes she could go back to being chubby.

The point is; at times, body size isn’t even the problem. It goes beyond that. People lose KGs and still don’t like their bodies, some people add weight and still prefer the slim physique they left behind. Chubby people aren’t happier, slim people aren’t necessarily more fulfilled; everyone has laments which may or may have nothing to do with their body. Irrespective of what your dream body is or what you want to look like, accept and embrace yourself for who you are and how you look and come to the realization that begrudging your body will interfere with your ability to feel fulfilled with yourself.

There is nothing wrong with eventually working towards achieving your dream body, just make sure yearning for that doesn’t interfere with your ability to love what you have. In addition, while at it, find clothes that accentuate your body and make you look beautiful. Know what clothes fit your body and wear them beautifully. For me, most times when I look into the mirror, my eyes automatically go to the parts of my body that I wish were different or better. I can’t even deny that I’ve looked into the mirror several times and torn myself apart- so much that it was almost becoming a constantly ingrained thought until I stopped myself.

When you look at your face and body in the mirror, direct your eyes toward the things you like about yourself. You’re more than a jumble of body parts- you’re not just your face or body. You’re a whole person, and you deserve to be taken in as one.

It is also very important not to compare yourself to other people. We all have insecurities, emotional moments, struggles and self-perceptions that are not necessarily true. I look at my pretty friend at times and can’t imagine her ever being insecure about her body but that’s also subjective as many people find it unbelievable that I will ever be insecure about mine too.

Rather than focus on what you look like, focus more on your positive sides. Your talents, the great things you can do that many people can’t. Be kind to yourself and take a balanced approach to your negative emotions.

Feeling unhappy about your body might just happen from time to time. Changing how you feel is hard. What is not good is letting those feelings prevent you from being happy. Make a deal with yourself that you will allow yourself to have these feelings but by no means will you allow these feelings be the reason you avoid living life.