IF I KILL MYSELF TODAY...

“If I kill myself today, the world would remain the same. The stars would still appear, the moon would come out every month, the earth would rotate, the sun would remain its sometimes soft-sometimes scorching self, the clocks would continue rotating, busses would move, it would rain, hamattan would blow, the world would remain the same. No one will know I’m gone.”

Your mother would be broken. She would stare in the mirror everyday and remember that you can never enter the house again. She would remember the expectations she had of you and break down in fresh tears. She would always have the consciousness that there is a child less in her life. She would always wish you could rise from the brown soil and become that child again. She would regret every harsh words, every tongue lash, every fight. She would remember the nine months in her womb and wish you were still that child she nurtured.

Your father would be devastated. He would keep a distance from home or work, whichever works for him because everything he sees everyday reminds him of his lost child. The silence from your room, no one to scold for the night phone calls during extracool. No one to show off to his friends.

Your siblings would remember their lost blood. The one they told everything to, did everything with, fought with, argued with, had the most memorable childhood with, discussed their dreams with, had boyfriend and girlfriend discussions with. The sibling they have so many and-co clothes with. They would remember you and cry. They would never remain the same. Because you have  a huge imprint in their lives that can never be scraped.

Your best friend would cry for his or her confidant, his friend like sibling. He would yearn for you to fill the space with laughter and joy like you used to. She would want you to come and tell him that everything would be better. She would remember the plans of the next 10 years. She would never get over you. Your girlfriend or boyfriend would feel ruined. The valentine plans, the sneaking around, the moments spent together, the promises of ever after. The imprints you left.

I believe your friends would check your last facebook posts, wondering how something went wrong. How they would try to convince themselves that it was just another life’s impractical jokes. How they would still in a long time struggle to terms with the news of your demise. They would see your favorite food, your favorite movie, your best stuffs, and always have a rude awakening that you were truly gone.

Hey you! Do not ever think of the bullshit that life would be the same without you. Do not ever let it run through your mind that you wouldn’t be taking some people’s happiness and liveliness with you when you’re gone. Do not give me the crap about how the sun would still shine, the rain would still fall, the would still be spherical in shape.

Without you, the world would have lost one of the best people God created. The world would lose your awesomeness, the world would lose what would have been your impact, the world would lose the amazing greatness you would have been. The world would definitely miss the number of people that would have risen through you, the blessing and joy you would have been to humanity.

The world would lose a gem. And each of the persons above, for them, life would never be the same without you. Life will never be the same with a little beautiful piece of human being you are. None of these people want that to happen.

So, whatever it is you’re going through, you are not alone. God never promised us an absolutely sadness or stress free life. Your strifes are not permanent. It’s a test and you shall overcome. Stay strong, reach out, talk to someone, start small and open up.

The world would truly not be the same without you.