INTROVERT, EXTROVERT.,

“There's a lot of confusion about what saying you're an "introvert" actually means. It doesn't actually mean that you're always socially anxious, shy, a deep thinker, or hate parties. Extroversion and introversion are more simply explained by how people use social energy: extroverts gather energy by being around other people, while introverts use theirs up. So after a long party, extroverts are buzzy and happy, while introverts are drained and need to go sit somewhere quietly for a while. Introverts like social time as much as the rest of the world: they just need less of it, and time out afterwards.”

There is a stereotype of what an introvert looks like, and it's generally someone quiet and reflective, someone who doesn't get out much and stays out of the way when they do. Even the people who thrive most in crowds might consider themselves loners, the same way often very quiet people prefer to spend time around other people. You might be tempted to think that they're "faking" the whole ‘love to be alone’ bit when you see them turning it on in public, but that doesn't make their need for down time by themselves any less real.

You might think they are not as emotionally invested as you are. If you have ever been in a situation where someone in the relationship holds more power by being the one who cares less, you know how unhealthy it is. And dating someone who likes to keep to themselves, it might be hard to separate the suspicion of that feeling from the real thing. A lot of the ways we define emotional investment have to do with the time we spend with someone the time we sacrifice out of our days, doing our own things and accomplishing our goals, to be with someone else instead. Introverts will be as generous with that time as they can, but it's not nearly as much as the average person would be. It might be easy to mistake this for ambivalence, or some reflection of how they feel about you.

Don't expect them to join in at all times. My friend’s boyfriend goes out a lot, and can talk to them at great length wherever he is; even though my friend is an introvert: on the street, at the supermarket, hanging upside down. It got to a stage that it was  accepted that if she has used up her social energy for the day, she'll drift off from these conversations and look at something else, or just quietly listen from the sidelines. This is a massive relief to her; apparently, he never makes her feel bad about it, and after she greets the person, she’s free to go. Get to know your introvert. When do they start drooping? How much quiet time do they need before they're up and ready to talk to people again? What particularly tires them out :small talk, heated passionate conversations, big groups or large groups?

You might think they're playing mind games and this is a result of not always being the type to initiate plans with other people, you might think this is some version of stringing you along or messing with your head. The honest truth is that if you feel this way, they never intended it, and are usually not even aware that you're feeling this way. When someone generally finds comfort in being on their own, it doesn't always occur to them that other people might take it personally and misconstrue their intentions.

Sometimes you need to ask for their specific needs and then listen & adhere to them. It is helpful to ask specific questions. What does your babe hate doing the most? What kind of socializing is least problematic for her? What are her limits? You may or may not have ever given the specifics much thought. But maybe if you ask some questions, you’ll start figuring out the middle ground to get both of your needs met. Perhaps you need to go to big parties alone or with friends or maybe your boo actually enjoys owambes, as long as you’re not always trying to cajole him out of his quiet corner. And maybe she's really fine with whatever you want to do, as long as you play social director.

Respect an introvert’s rights, but do not give up yours. Being respectful of your bae’s needs, however, does not let them off the hook for respecting yours. You are entitled to say sometimes, “It’s important to me that you come to this party,” or, “I understand that you need space, but it’s not okay with me for you to spend every evening alone without going out. We have to find a compromise." And compromise is a two-way street.

Do not avoid important discussions, I’ve been there and I can tell you that it’s dangerous waters. Introverts can be overwhelmed by what feels like emotion dumps, and they often need a little time to process before they can get into sensitive discussions. That’s fine. But I believe that if someone asks for more time to think something through, it becomes their job to reintroduce the topic when they are ready. It’s not fair to force you to raise issues in the first place, and bring them up again, making you feel pushy and naggy. Regardless of what I believe is fair, you might need to be the person who brings things up again. They have the tendency to try to sweep problems under the rug so much that sometimes, you often have to drag them out of their silent, angry corner to deal with issues. If you take on the responsibility for bringing problems up, then you are to be thanked and appreciated. If bae grumbles because you don’t let important matters go, that’s not your problem; you’re doing what needs to be done. Consider whether you have a relationship issues.

Introverts can also enjoy social situations. It's just a matter of dosage. So don't deliberately leave your girlfriend or wife at home while you go to parties or gatherings because you think they won't enjoy them, or be surprised when they want to participate in social events too or initiate an outing. And the most wonderful thing is that their quiet times don’t have to be spent alone. Although it’s a time when they deal with their internal battles but you can hold her hand or just be close to her when it happens. Even quiet times can be intimate.

Don't mistake introversion for rudeness or emotional unavailability. The necessity of withdrawal for introverts shouldn't be overstated. It makes them good at self-reliance and working independently, and is an asset, not something they should be trained out of. It's also not a personal attack on you or your love. You might think that they're disinterested in you, they don't go out of their way to make plans. They don't spontaneously text you as they're getting ready for bed. It may seem disconcerting to other people that they're fine without seeing or hearing from you for what feels like awhile.

Find pastimes that feed both your energy levels. Introvert-extrovert matches need to find stuff that feeds both elements. Introverts may not enjoy crowds at clubs after a certain point in time, and you might get bored in situations with low social requirements. Find a medium. Whether it's browsing together, walking around interesting areas, traveling together, playing video games, taking in films, or just pursuing different interests while physically in the same space, it's good to compromise.