RECOGNIZING THE GREEN LIGHT.

I remember the first time a guy called me his ‘dear’. I checked the dictionary 5 times for the meaning of the word even though I had been using it long before I even met him. At that time, I had one ex boyfriend whom we had used it for each other at the end of virtually every sentence and male friends I had thrown it around for carelessly. What was different? I liked him and was uncertain about how he felt. Calling me ‘Dear’ felt like a big deal to me; the best kind of deal I could get from someone like him.

Now so many years later, I still face the challenge of knowing exactly how the other person feels about me beyond words and expressions which are the biggest indicators. Even though I write about relationships, I still catch myself spinning into analysis mode while trying to figure out how guys feel. You analyze the texts, you replay your interactions with him over and over in your mind, you cling tightly to the compliments, read chats over a million times and more, over-interpret endearments and quick to part with some of the red flags and bad signs. You should try to see things clearly but instead, you’re seeing the situation through a lens of wishful thinking and sometimes a bit of self-deception.

The truth remains that if he likes you, he will show it and always reach out. Finding an excuse to talk to you doesn’t require much creativity.  If he doesn’t demonstrate and interest in talking to you he doesn’t initiate or maybe he cuts the conversation short and makes an exit then it’s a clear sign he probably doesn’t like you in that way.

Initiating a conversation is only phase one though. When a guy or lady likes you, they would definitely be interested in knowing everything about you. When we like someone, we can’t get enough. We want to know every detail, every story, even the insignificant ones. If a guy asks you a lot of questions about yourself and your life and shows a genuine interest in who you are and what you like, he is investing in you. You’ll get further confirmation of this if he remembers the things you told him. He will also want to share himself with you. You may notice he talks about himself a lot (especially the good parts, like areas where he is succeeding). This is because when a guy likes you he wants to impress you, he wants you to think highly of him.

It is important to note that someone you like will not always talk to you about it or be vocal about their feelings due to one reason or the other. Some people are socially awkward, some are scared of losing the friendship they have built with you, some are just scared of rejection like I said earlier and some may not even want you to know at all. For these kinds of people, you’ve got to pay attention. Way back in my OAU days, I met a guy who seemed perfect for me in every way. He was funny, kind, brilliant and very handsome.  We d mutual friends so I’d run into him here and there and he would say really sweet things that led me to believe the interest was reciprocal. I knew conventional wisdom would say that he just wasn’t into me, but it didn’t feel that way! I would obsess over this endlessly and would always draw different conclusions. One night I brought a girl to a birthday party that he was also at. When he saw my friend, I noticed a look in his eye that he never had with me. They got to talking and it was obvious that he was super into her. He got her number and called to ask her out a few days later. Suffice to say I felt like a total idiot for thinking we shared this secret connection for all these months. I had to face the facts, while he liked flirting with me, he just didn’t like me. When he met a girl he did like, it was obvious all and he didn’t hesitate to make a move. His body language with others in comparison with how it is with you should tell you all you need to know too.

This brings me to another thing to look out for to know if he/she is really into you. He looks at you like you’re one of the 7 wonders of the world. He or she compliments everything about you. If a guy is into you, he’ll pay close attention to your appearance and won’t be shy about letting you know it. Compliments are his way of telling you he notices you and wants to make you feel good.  The only caveat is if it’s a guy who is already a close friend of yours. In that case, he might be complimenting you to be nice and doesn’t think you’ll take it the wrong way. Men are visual creatures, much more so than women. The first thing that will spark a guy’s interest is a woman’s appearance.

Eye contact is one of the most important things to notice about a guy. Many guys will try to secretly look at you when he thinks you’re not watching – so if you catch him looking away when you glance over at him, that’s a good sign! More assured and confident guys will actually make and hold eye contact. It’s true. But be careful – don’t confuse a shy guy’s reluctance to make eye contact with a disinterested guy’s. If he’s shy but attracted, he’ll keep looking over at you, you just have to wait and see if he does it.

Touching someone else and being touched is a super important way of gauging how interested and how intimate he wants to be with you – and a great way to figure out how he feels is to watch how he reacts to touching you and being touched by you. Guys who are interested will generally find excuses to touch you – like touching your hand when he laughs, or brushing your leg with his without moving it away, or even giving you hugs for the flimsiest of reasons. Next, watch what happens when you touch him. If you brush your hand gently against his neck or hold his arm gently with your hand – does he flinch away? Does he move his hand away from yours if you touch him? Or does he move to stay in further body contact with you doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.

If he’s interested in you, he might have told his friends. Or, they might have guessed it from him in the first place. Whatever the reason – when you’re around him and his friends, watch his friends closely. If they start making subtle jokes and making fun of him, and the thrust is that he’s interested in you – then he probably likes you! Watch them when you’re with him and his friends. Do they smile when they see you? Do they smirk at him when you walk into the room – like they know something you don’t? 

Change your look recently? Maybe you changed the way you do your hair, or put on different makeup, or even changed your hair color. Whatever it is – if he notices and compliments you on it, it’s a big sign that he’s interested. That’s because if he notices – he’s paying special attention to how you look, which means that he’s attracted to you. If he compliments you – even better, that means he’s trying to get closer to you. If the guy you like is demonstrating some of these signals – congratulations there’s a good chance that he’s interested in you! 

Culled and edited.

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