FACELESS QUESTS.

Zilch. That was my love life while growing up . This was back in 2008, 2009, 2010. Attending a girls’ only boarding school didn’t help either as some of my mates I knew outside school had their first boyfriends as early as SS1, SS2.  It’s simple; there was no way to meet any potential dates. All I had was a nokia touch light phone and the snake chopping the brick game. Although I had a few crushes in my area and at my Quran school, brothers of my friend and the perceived big boys of then, all I could do as stare from a distance and keep the fantasy alive in my head. I entered 100 level and I dated Doyin. It was a great relationship but thinking back at it now, perhaps it could have been better. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to state that social media could have made it so much better and fun-filled.

I was one of those that didn’t even open a facebook account early enough. I think I opened my first facebook account in 2012 or 2013. The only thing I remember clearly was the day everything changed: 2011 when I was initiated to social media by my friend, Oyindamola, who had joined 2go through her roommate and brought the great news to Ufuoma and I then. That was my initiation to social media.

Going online was like entering a whole new planet, there was no more restriction on where, when and who you meet. You could create your own profile, add your photo as profile picture and add personal information; you could interact with multiple people at once, meet new friends from all over, get private messages, enter chat rooms, receive smileys and even move up a particular level depending on how much you chat. I remember that wherever I received messages or friend requests then, I would get so excited and happy. I was finally meeting other guys in my life and the power all rested on me to choose who I wanted to chat with. Then I added facebook to that, whatsapp followed, BBM entered the list and my connectivity grew wider.

Online connectivity has helped provided for us a wide array of choices more than we can actually take cognizance of. You have an unlimited number of people you can choose and pick from; you have the ultimate choice to select who you want to meet in real life, who you see dating potentials with, who you can grow to love. And the greatest part of it is the knowledge that if one person rejects you, you have hundreds of others waiting to get your attention.

Personally, I don’t think it should really be called online dating. It should be called online meeting people followed by in-person dating. The term ”online dating” makes people think you meet people online, date them online and base a relationship on what you see on each other’s profile and what you choose tell each other. This somehow denigrates what a relationship means. I mean the first step in ending uo with the right person is meeting the right person: there doesn’t have to be a real system or procedure to do it efficiently. Online dating even helps a lot for people who are socially awkward or have personality issues or a complex; it helps them project exactly who they are, how they think and their ideologies and before you know it, someone already likes the personality you project rather than how awkward you are socially. For someone like me, trying to meet a stranger in public is somehow a nightmare. It requires guts, luck and confidence. The only alternative to this is meeting someone through mutual friends, at work, through close friends and family.

The only efficient kind of dating definitely needs to take place in person, I’m not disputing that. However, there's this special feeling that comes with seeing someone for the first time and knowing that they probably know everything there is to know about you; someone you hit it off with right away, someone you already like. Truthfully, some people don’t want anything serious; just play around, make friends, have mutually beneficial relationships. Online is a very good avenue to get that done too therefore, no matter what you want or the kind of dating preferences you like, you get to meet a wide variety of people who are just like you, suit your standards and vice versa.

Few people have always needed help finding love. Friends play matchmaker and family does the remaining. When facebook and 2go came, people turned to finding potential dates online. As a matter of fact, I was one of the people back then who thought there was nothing realistic about finding someone online and falling in love with the idea of them; I was of the opinion that you can only know what the other person wants you to think of his or her. I saw it as a stage for the desperate. However, times and circumstances have changed my stance on that opinion. Yes, people can find happiness with someone they meet online. Where else would you go and in less than 30 minutes, about 20 people have caught your fancy?

I remember having a roommate when I was in school; she was in the happiest relationship of us all, one of the most perfect relationships I have ever seen. They met on facebook, clicked well, were friends and the rest is history. They’re now married with two kids even though at the time they met, her Mister wasn’t even in Nigeria. This is a lady that had had many failed physical relationships. Her story was like magic. Meanwhile, even back then, I was one of those who seriously doubted the success if their relationship as t was too good to be true. This is one of the many relationships and marriages I know stemmed from social media and the internet. I’m not saying the internet is the best place to find love; browsing and checking profiles continuously can make you so confused that you don’t even know who to choose. You’re always on the road to find someone more because you know there are more people to check out. You grow to objectify your potential dates. What’s more is that it’s not always good to have too many choices: you end up being less satisfied with that one person you’ve chosen. ‘There’s someone better out there’ becomes the constant mantra.

One of the best things about online dating is that you already get to know each other before you meet, he has your phone number, you exchange calls, pictures, details about each other you wouldn’t even tell a non-virtual friend. Anonymousity makes it all the more intriguing. Then there’s reliance on your social media profile and timeline to get you almost exactly someone like you, someone who thinks like you and shares many common grounds with you. Truthfully, no online profile can transmit the full essence of a human being but at the end of the day, you get to make your own conclusions on who a person is after interacting with them.

Online dating is good: it gives opportunities to single people who wouldn’t have met otherwise; people that had no business meeting in real life and people whose paths never would have crossed but for social media. People have become more self-reliant, transient and bolder. All stereotypes have been stumped and even if not relationships, strong friendships have been built over the years. There was this neighbor I had who always felt too big to relate with anyone in the hood. I hunted him down on facebook and we’re now great friends; I learnt over time that what he presents virtually is one thing, who he really pretends to be is another. Isn’t that great?

Culled and edited.