ABUSED.Chapter 20

An hour later, Kayode started his phone terror. I made the mistake of picking his call again and heard his agitated voice immediately. He was fuming.

“Jumoke, where the hell are you?” he screamed into the phone and I shifted the speaker away from my ear. ”I went to your office already and you weren’t there at all today.”

“Are you spying on me?” I countered, trying to stay calm. I had pondered on what to tell him like Damola had taught me but at that moment, my mind was wiped clean.

“I was actually worried but maybe I don’t have a reason to,” he barked.

I should have just ended the call but still felt like I needed a closure. “Kayode, I left you. I don’t want to be with you anymore.” There was silence on the other end and for a moment, I thought he had dropped the call. “Kayode?”

“I’m still here.” His voice sounded muffled like he was trying hard to suppress tears.

“I’m sorry but things aren’t just working out.” I felt empowered by the ability to utter those words to him.

"Don’t you love me anymore?”  he sounded desperate and I knew he was definitely crying.

“Love has nothing to do with it. I just can’t handle the way you continue to hurt me."

“Please baby, just tell me where you are,” he begged. “Please let’s talk about this.” A sob. “I don’t want to live without you. You know how much I love you. You’re the only light I have in my dark life. I am lost without you.”

I was fighting my own tears. My uncle’s wife entered my room and asked for who I was speaking with. I mouthed back to her that it was Kayode and she started watching me keenly. For a moment, I felt kind of offended that she was invading my privacy. This wasn’t really any of her business, so I escaped from the room.

“Please, Kayode. Don’t make this harder than it already is,” I mumbled as I rushed into the compound and opened the gate, trying to look for a spot in front of the house where I could talk to him without being spied on. “Don’t even for a moment think that this isn’t difficult for me either.”

“Olajumoke. I’d do anything for you this time around. I swear to seek help, you can even help me look for solutions if you don’t believe me. I won’t hurt you anymore, I promise. Just come home, I need you.”

One of my nosy neighbours stopped beside me, gazing at me with suspicion and I gave her a glare; which made her rush into the compound.

 I was about to step into the street when I felt my arm being pulled back forcefully. Aunty Mariam snatched my phone from me and looked at me with so much disappointment I almost dropped on my knees.

She sighed, “Was that him?”

I nodded, expecting a lecture about how stupid I was but it never materialized.

“Look, I’m sorry for ending your call but I did what I had to do. I can’t tell you what to do but you need to be very careful. The first 24 hours are going to be difficult- both for your acceptance and his. He will promise you the world but it will never happen.”

I understood where she was coming from but the realisation didn’t make it any easier to accept. I tried to fight back my tears but a few managed to roll down my cheeks. I couldn’t remember the last time I was that sad. “What do you suggest that I do?”

“E pa phone yin. At least lale yii. You need some time to get your head cleared.” She admonished.

She was probably right, after all, she had much more experience when it comes to men than me. I turned my phone on silence and strolled back into the compound.

“Are you okay?”

I sighed heavily. “I will be. Goodnight and thank you ma’am.”

I entered my room and sat on my bed in silence while text messages rolled in. I read some of them then eventually ignored the rest. They were all the same, asking for forgiveness and then asking to come back together and promising never to touch me again. I just sat there, staring into space with tears running down my face. How did everything happen so fast?

I left the room to take a shower and prepare for bed but before I got back, I had 8 missed calls again. I laid there in the dark and didn’t even notice when Damola left a message. I was so deep in thought- then I wept bitterly for the two years of my life I had wasted in the hands of an abuser. I swore right there and then that I would not allow him take away another minute if my life from me.

Staying away from Kayode was an uphill battle from the start. Not only that- it was emotionally draining and energy sapping. That was probably why I never tried to leave him again after I finally went back to him. My challenges started the morning after I left him. Apparently, he had caused lots of trouble with the security guys the day before; therefore, as soon as I stepped into the door, I was lost. My colleagues weren’t as welcoming as they normally were. When I approached Zainab, who was the closest friend at work, she blew me off. I went through the day in a daze, knowing that asides family, I had no one left.

On top of that, I had lots of spill over deadlines I should have met which wasn’t such a bad thing; it meant that I could throw myself into work and forget that I had any issues. I was not ready to face the world, there was too much turmoil inside of me I wanted to work through on my own.

That day, Kayode waited for me outside my office and even though I was stunned to see him, I really shouldn’t have been. What did I expect? He wasn’t the kind of man that would have given up without a fight- I had damaged his ego. If someone would leave the relationship, it would be him and not the girl he chose as his queen.

He rushed over with a guilt stricken face. “Jummy please, I need to talk to you.”

I glanced around and saw that even if I tried to seek help, there was no one around to come to my rescue; so I started walking towards the bus stop. “I don’t want to discuss this, I need more time.”

Secretly, I hoped that would have shut him up but then again, it would have been too easy.

“Please Jummy, just 2 minutes.”

I stopped and gazed at him, “What do you want?”

He took a deep breath, ready to pelt down apologies to me like a rainfall. “I love you, Olajumoke. I have behaved unacceptably and I know that’s why you left. I swear I will change. I will never lay a hand on you again. Just please for the last time, forgive me, you mean the world to me.”

He looked really sincere with desperate eyes and my defences were unravelling then I remembered what Aunty Mariam and Damola told me. “I heard all these before Kayode, I am sorry, but I’m scared that you won’t keep your word.”

I continued my hasty walk but he kept at my heel. “I understand your frustration, I really do. Just please give me another chance and promise not to blow it this time.”

I paused again and looked him over. He looked devastated and it hurt me that he was upset but I was much empowered and I was determined not to give in this time. “I’m sorry but I need more time. This is all too much for me.”

He sighed, “Okay, I’ll respect that. But please promise me that you’re going to call me before the end of this week or latest by weekend,” he saw my hesitation and quickly added: “Just to talk of course. If you do that, I will give you your space.”

It was preposterous for him to make any demands after all, it was my choice – I wanted to take a break. But at the time, I was sufficiently brainwashed enough not to notice. “Okay, I will call you.”

Kayode finally allowed me to leave without further hassle. The whole encounter shook me up more than I wanted to admit and I should have talked to some about it but I didn’t. I thought I could handle it on my own. That was mistake number 2.  He left me alone for the next few days and I threw myself into work as that was the only way I could avoid thinking about him.

I got an unexpected visitor on Friday evening- Damola. I was very happy to see him as the loneliness was really getting to me. After the ‘hello’ and ‘I’m doing great’, we moved into my room and decided to play a ludo, the same game that connected us.

“How are you really doing?” he probed after we got the game going.

“I told you I was fine,” I snapped and immediately felt bad but I didn’t say anything anymore and neither did he. I felt very awful but he seemed to understand.

“I just think you should talk more about whatever is going on with you to your aunt or Temilade. It’s not good to keep it bottled up inside. I know he has contacted you and you’ve talked to him. It’s no problem, just be careful.”

I got angry. “I just don’t understand why everyone is trying to rush me. I need time, is that too much to ask for?”

He was about to answer again but I silenced him with an icy look. We continued playing our game in silence- the only sound was that of the dice on the glass of the board. I could hardly concentrate fury raging inside me. We must have played for over 30 minutes when a noise from the sitting room distracted us and I immediately detected Kayode’s voice.

“You have to let me see her! She’s my fiancé and you’re not even her father. You can’t keep me from her. We love each other.”

I stormed out and almost burst out laughing at the scene in front of me. My uncle towered over Kayode in a protective stance and kept shoving Kayode back to avoid him from entering.

“You have no right to come here! Iwo omo radarada yii. I’ll call the police on you if you don’t leave right now. Ashiere buruku. O fe baye e je abi?” my uncle kept screaming, with his wife looking at Kayode disdainfully. Damola stayed behind me and tried to pull me inside but I finally had enough.

Though I knew they meant well, I didn’t appreciate their interference. It wasn’t not in their place to make decisions for me.

“That’s okay!” the shrillness of my voice got them all to stop screaming. “I’ll talk to him,” I said stubbornly, something which would turn out to be mistake number 3.