BULLIED. SO WHAT?

When I see the picture of the girls that called me 'very ugly'  in secondary school, I never believe I let people like that talk down on me let alone define how bad I felt about  myself. Even though I'm now so much prettier (Lol), it affected me for so many years that I find it difficult to freely walk on main roads without feeling like the whole world was staring at me. I remember a teacher too, Miss  Bukoye who said I had a stinky breath in front of a combined P.H.E class of over 80 students when I was in J.S.S.3... Till today, I hardly talk to people I'm not familiar with; not without trying to breath into my hands and put it to my nose or simply move back. You can't blame me, it took it's psychological tolls on me.

Oh there was this girl too, in J.S.S.2, who said in front of some of our mates that I was a crappy speaker of English. It was true, you can't blame me either. I was unbeatable in speaking and reading Yoruba but please, I was terrible in English. Mrs Yusuf, our Yoruba teacher in J.S.S.2 somehow made me one of the designated reader of ewi. It might not have affected me that day but till today, I can't speak in front of a group...anything more than 10 unfamiliar people and I stumble on my words or make mistakes with tenses and sentence construction. 

When I was in the University, 400 level to be precise, a professor of Literature gave us an assignment and no one thought he would call random people out to make presentations. You're right, I was unlucky. I got to the podium and I was visibly shaking. Lol... I didn't even remember the topic I wrote about. My saving grace was that someone already presented the same topic,so the lecturer dismissed me.

And that was me and many others, we were all classmates. This isn't a pity story. It was no one's fault that I couldn't stand up for myself but at the same time, I wasn't like everyone else. We are all different and that's the beauty of life. We're from different homes, have different backgrounds and are tougher than one another. The fact that one person doesn't have a spine as hard as yours doesn't make them less of the human that you are. They just choose not take out their anger or lack of at the world out on people that appear weaker than them. the worst part is that people do so many crappy things and forget. they forget that secondary school is a phase, having a job is a phase and in fact, life itself is a phase. The girls I mentioned up there might have forgotten what they did but till today, i still battle with the invisible scars of what their insensitivity did to me

Bullying is a social phenomenon that transcends gender, age, and culture. While there are wide ranges in the definition of the term,bullying is essentially characterized by one or several individuals aggressing on a vulnerable peer, primarily to assert control or power.  Bullies are notorious for misusing power. They may overtly denigrate, criticize, or exclude you in such a way that, at the time, you may be incapable of responding. In a group meeting, they may covertly destroy you by responding to a comment or suggestion you make with a remark alluding to the idea that they don’t understand what you are talking about—suggesting that you are inarticulate or ignorant—and not allow for clarification. But even more insidious is their capacity to manipulate or incite others to be aggressive, belittling, or hostile towards you through their denigrating remarks or creation of rumors. The farther they push you down,the more they rise to the top. And they do succeed one too,

I was very guilty too,  there was this girl in my class in SS3,  we noticed on our row that she became detached and was always sad. We were so simple-minded and we didn't even think that she could have had issues she was dealing with. Long story short, we read her diary one day when she wasn't in class. Her daddy was cheating on her mummy. We all laughed at her... So sad! We didn't think of the toll it was having on her. All we knew was that we couldn't imagine something like that happening to any of us, so we didn't care! We made jest of her for awhile and kept our distance.

I remember this girl that was in my class in SS2, who enjoyed pushing me around ( she and I didn't see it as that then),  she didn't stop until one day when I snapped and placed heavy curses on her. She started treating me like a friend from that day and then was when I realized that you've got to take control of your life. Not that I had ever been dull. Nope, I'm very sharp mouthed but I had the wrong combination to go with it: I let people's words get to me and was always hungry for people's approval( I still do but not as much). So in a way, I kinda lost my sense of self.

Bullying is not just in schools, it's in work places, hostels, social groups and neighborhoods. Knowing this, what can you do when you are faced with a bully? First of all, recognize that the issue is not yours and behave accordingly. Aside from alerting anyone who is in authority, you must stand up for yourself. In fact, use the stance of the person who has pride: stand tall with your chest extended, head tilted back, and with a small smile on your face.Then speak. Have talking points in your head that you will use when confronted by a bully. If your talking points don’t work, then you need to develop ones that will. For example, in the case of the bully who in the work meeting questions what you are saying, you might simply respond that what you are saying is quite clear and reiterate it. The bully will make a snide remark. Comment on the fact that the remark is inappropriate. Don’t back down. A bully senses weakness and if you display vulnerability you will be attacked. Approach dealing with the bully in your life as an opportunity to grow: you may have many failures but, in the end, they are the best teachers of what you need to do in order to stand up for yourself in the most adverse conditions.